Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
