I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
