I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
