omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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