my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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