No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
