his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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