If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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