How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize