I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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