I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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