Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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