he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
