As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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