Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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