You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
