You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
