I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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