yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
