they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.