It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.