Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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