White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
