I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
