Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
