I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
