I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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