we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
