i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
