I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
