That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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