It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
