I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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