i think my mom watched the whole time
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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