Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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