He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
