so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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