No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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