getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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