You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
