apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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