Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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