i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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