come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
