I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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