Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
