So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
