Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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