ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
soo... how was my night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
