you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
