Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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