3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
