you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
