So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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