Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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