I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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