We're facebook friends in real life
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
