I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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