Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
