A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
