He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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