JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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