even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Randomize
