you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
