He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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