I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
