We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
