I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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