Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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