So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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