i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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