Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
