Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
