You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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