well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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