just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
