That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
